Road Rage in a Front Loader

Bear is taking another ride today. He's the passenger in the scoop of Williams front loader. “Vroom, vrooOM, VRoooOOooOOM!” Goes the bright yellow, Caterpillar front loader. Will is naked on all-fours pushing it around. He scoots the front loader around all the toys strewn on the floor like they are an intentional obstacle course.
“William, come and put your pants on.” He's fresh out of a bath and his curly frizzy hair protrudes at the back and is plastered damp on his forehead. I'm worried about him getting a chill but he loves the nudie run too much to give in to me. It becomes a battle of wits and determination every bath and change time. This time his tactic is well thought out....

“Vroom, vroom, vroom.” The front loader circles around the top of the room and sweeps back in my direction. “Vroom, vroom!” Its path is clear and William lines up my ankles. “VROOOOM!” I jump back to get out of the way just in time and almost feel as much relief as if it was a near miss from a full sized Caterpillar Loader.

“William be careful,” I remind him looking at the sharp metal scoop and wondering how much it would hurt if it had of hit me. But the front loader isn't finished. William's bare bum waddles as he, still naked on all-fours, turns the loader and himself around and lines up my ankles again and again. He takes half a dozen swipes at my ankles and has me dancing around trying to avoid his deadly road-rage escapade with Bear all the time, travelling in the scoop of the front loader.

I tackle William, hold him down and get his nappy on with an outburst of squeals, clawing and pushing to show his contempt. Before I can do anything he rolls onto his stomach and out of my hold. “We're not finished yet.” I tell him. “You have to put your singlet on.” He disappears out of sight around the door of his room. “Stop being a pain William...” I decide to let him have a few moments to calm down. I sit quietly on the floor with my long legs out in front of me and let my thoughts wander.

Having a child can be painful. Its my reasoning behind women having higher pain thresholds then men. We're wired to deal with all sorts of pain. Before conception there's period pain. During pregnancy there is morning sickness pain, stretch-mark pain, hips moving pain, 'baby head-butting your ribs' pain, 'Oh-my-god-there-is-a-foot-in-my-bladder' pain, sore feet, sore back pain, 'stop boxing my kidney's' pain, can't sleep this way, cant sit that way pain, contraction pain, dilating cervix pain. Then, the almighty mother of all pains...! Enough said? Not quite. Stitches pain, swollen boobs pain, contracting uterus pain, latching on to the nipple pain, 'dead on your feet' exhaustion pain, recovering vagina pain, leaky boobs pain. 'Not tonight I've got a headache' pain....

“Vroom, vroom!” Bang! Bang!
Just been run over by a front loader. “Arghh William!” Ongoing pain...